My Smelly Laundry

Wow, well I guess technically this is the first post I wrote today, but it still feels like yesterday, being only about 12:05am and all.

Let's get to the point. No more funny, spazzy things. This is ugly and smelly. Deal.

My blog is not serious. At least, it hasn't been in recent days. Something about that bothers me. My friends (with the exception of Tomi) all have pretty serious blogs. They feature photos they took and the things they deal with. For reals. I sit around, joking, entertaining my sometimes less than lateral (yes, I just finished The Last Days) thinking.

So I admit it, I care what they think. I do. They're my friends, it's a healthy thing to do. But blogging seems to put the worst me out in the limelight for judging. I'm selfish and needy. I want to loved and adored constantly. It's who I am. But generally I was pretty good at hiding that me. At least, I think I was.

But blogging has made me see myself in a clearer light. For instance, I was so incredibly disillusioned by my spectacularly unspectacular not-date with Richard that I missed the point of a friend's message. She was hurting and I was selfish and unseeing. I feel stupid, with all my smelly faults hanging out for all to see.

So I apologize. To any and everyone to whom I was less than gracious to. I apologize for the time that I monopolized and the selfish stories I told. I'm sorry for being a flake when you needed me. I'm a sucky, clingy, self-absorbed friend. I should burned at the stake.

And still, do you see! Me! ...blah. I hate the word 'me' so much right now. Sometimes I wish this 'me' person would shut up.

Sometimes...

I didn't think I hated any words. I don't even really hate swears all that much. With some words moderation is key. Swears happen to fall into this category. But, there is one word that I absolutely loathe.

Ointment.

Ew.

It just sounds like pussing, inflamed nastieness, doesn't it?

...Sounds kind of naughty, too. And not in the good way.

Sometimes I contemplate making these posts weepy and teen girly. Then I remember that I have a clever, witty, and nonexistent reputation to maintain.

Well, Looks Like I'm Screwed

It is hereditary.

...Well, it would explain a lot.

A Little Rambling...

Okay, so I've been in a rambling mood as of late. It started with a certain someone's Facebook picture, then quickly escalated. I can't say exactly why I feel the need to rant and ramble, but those of you who read this will see the brunt of this storm.

Firstly, where do guys get off calling girls confusing? I mean, not that guys are all that hard to figure out, but all in you guys are total teases. Guys are always like, "Haha! I'mma tickle yooouuu!" Followed by very flirty and slightly inappropriate physical contact. Then they'll go out with another girl and still tickle you (This has never happened to me, I'm making this up as I go). I know girls are sneaky and really frustrating, but come on. At least we know what we are. You guys act all oblivious...but I'm onto you. I am onto you.

Secondly, wouldn't it be really creepy (but in the long run slightly funny, and a really great story) if some guy tried to hit on you, but told you he had herpes and followed up that revelation with the words, "I like to spread my love around, baby?". I don't why that thought popped into my mind, but it did.

Actually, I just lied. I do know why, but I'm not gonna tell you.

Finally (and this is the big one), I hate faceless, voiceless communication. That sounds hypocritcal I guess, because after all this is a blog. But this blog, as said a while back, is for me and not you. Anyway, back to the point. Things like IM and texting and MySpace really bother me. I do have a Facebook, I won't lie. But it's causing a lot of problems for me.

You see, I got a Facebook because I wanted to keep in contact with my friends while I'm away at school. I know you're thinking, "Then why not just call them?". Well, I hate phones. I hate calling people, I hate talking on them...It's a problem. Hence, the Facebook seemed like a good idea. But now I see it is even worse than my dreaded foe, Mr. Telephone. Mr. Facebook (and his cousins Instant Messenger and Email), have really messed with my whole mindset.

The problem lies in the fact that these forms of communication eliminate many of the crucial variables of human contact. For instance, I am highly dependent upon facial expression and body language to let me know how a person is feeling. Another reason I hate phones. My hand movements are important to my storytelling and I feel that people don't get the full effect over telephone or other non-face-to-face conversations. This irks me.

But you know what really irks me? The fact that Mr. Facebook and all his relations have cut out the most important variable of human communication: voice. Voiceless words (when not in literature form) frighten me. I never know what exactly a person is saying. Do they mean it maliciously? Sarcastically? Sweetly? The endless possibilities are what get me. In my head most people sound angry or annoyed. This is probably because I have this fear that people only pretend to like me, but are secretely plotting my demise.

I'm not kidding. Unless I really trust the person, I always feel like they're playing with me. Only liking me when it's convenient. So, when someone replies to my somewhat scattered, spastic comments with a three word response I freaks me out. A lot.

...Do you know if paranoid schizophrenia is hereditary?

Disconnect: The Exeter Bubble

I feel stupid. While I no longer call myself a diehard Fall Out Boy fan, I was devastated when I learned that they had released a new album without my knowledge. Anyone who's known me at any point from 5th grade to the middle of 7th knows that FOB was my one and only for a loooooong time. I loved them. Loved them. Still do, actually. But that's not really what I'm here to talk about tonight.

Instead, I think I will allow this to present an example of the selective permeability of the Phillips Exeter Academy bubble.

The PEA bubble is phenemenom which can be described after living there for only about a month. Often very few things will find their way into our school lives. It's not that we're sheltered. Quite the opposite, actually. It's simply that Exeter has so much to offer that you, well, forget. Plus, we are in the middle of nowhere. I think that helps a considerable amount.

In Exeter, you're so preoccupied with the next math test or club meeting or what have you, that the world outside simply dissolves. This goes for things beyond the media, as well. There are lot of things that go unnoticed at Exeter, that are quite contreversial in the "reall world". For instance, it's fairly normal for me to see Curtis and Brendan share a quick peck during a free moment. Here, back home, it's considered taboo. In a way, that makes me sad.

I go through culture shock everytime I come home, and everytime I go back to school. Things are so disconnected at Exeter, and yet it seems that in some ways Exeter is a little ahead of the rest of the world. I don't really understand that, but I've got a good four years to figure it out.

Oh, one more thing:

Okay, you're lying if this isn't the most adorable thing you've ever see.

Just wanted to end on a light note... ;)

Giddy

It was not a date.

It was not a date.

So why can't I stop smiling?

I wish I could answer this question and I wish I could care about whether or not he reads this, but I cannot do either. I have experienced Evening Prayer (EP) with a sweet, beautiful and I cannot help but be happy.

Before, I used to wonder how girls could get so giggly over boys, but now...God, now I understand! There must some sort gland within the female abdominal area that produces pink bubbles. When the pink bubbles build up (due to excess romantic emotion) they turn into giggles! This is the only possible explaination.

Sorry this wasn't as deep, but this is about me writing what I feel, not what you want to read.

I've A Paper Cut and Radiohead...Pity Party Anyone?

Why is he so perfect?

Why, why, why, why, why?